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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

JOKE OF THE DAY : SWIMMIFASTIOLOTOLOGY



There was a man and his 12 years old son who was was paddling a both on a wild ocean and the son ask dad how did u learn how to paddle a both and the father answered son, when we were in school i studied many course subject like : bothtiology, canoetiology, oceantiology and more !! And surdenly has he was still talkin' a heavy wave came and then BlooOw'' them out of the boat into the ocean and the father shouted JESUS.... !!!' son how did u learn how to swim and the son laugh hahahaaa ' don't u know when i was in school too i studied SWIMMIFASTIOLOTOLOGY ? Lollz!!

Judgement Day!

 JOKE OF THE DAY It was judgement day and everyone was given a sheet of paper to write down their sins, has we were writting a pastor shouted EXTRA PAPER please.
Loll..
Author: Lørdwizý Ðruz 
Yesterday at 4:22pm

Sunday, November 7, 2010

New smileys?

100 Love Messages

There are 12 months a year...30 days a month...7 days a week...24 hours a day...60 minutes an hour...but only one like you in a lifetime.

There are two reasons why I wake up in the morning: my alarm clock and you.


Great minds contain ideas, solutions and reasons; scientific minds contain formulas, theories and figures; my mind contains only you!


Love can be expressed in many ways. One way I know is to send it across the distance to the person who is reading this.


If I could change the alphabet, I would put U and I together! 


Minsan caring is better than loving. Minsan tea is better than coffee. Minsan smile is better than laughter. Pero nobody is better than you.


There is night so we can appreciate day, sorrow so we can appreciate joy, evil so we can appreciate good, you so I can appreciate love.


You look great today. How did I know? Because you look great everyday. 


What is love? Those who don't like it call it responsibility. Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don't have it call it a dream. Those who understand it call it destiny. And me, I call it you.


What is love? It is what makes your cell phone ring every time I send text messages. 


If love can be avoided by simply closing our eyes, then I wouldn't blink at all for I don't want to let a second pass having fallen out of love with you.


I used to think that dreams do not come true, but this quickly changed the moment I laid my eyes on you. 


Press down if you miss me. Talaga? Sweet mo naman. You really miss me huh? Still pressing down. Impressed na ako, ha? Sobrang miss na yan. Well, I miss you too.


Some people were born with talents. They can do beautiful things with their skills, knowledge and technology. But no one is as talented as you. You just come near, and there is already beauty.


A lady is a woman who makes a man behave like a gentleman. You're such a lady to me. 


To forget you is hard to do and to forget me is up to you. Forget me not, forget me never. Forget this text, but not the sender.


When situation gets you down, remember there's Someone in Heaven who loves you and watches over you and there's someone on Earth who cares… I do.


Cell phones can be irritating sometimes. You always have to reload, recharge every now and then. Messages are delayed. But there's one thing I love about it. It connects me to you!


Words begin with ABC. Numbers begin with 123. Music begins with do, re, mi. And friendship begins with you and me! 


Rain and sunshine do not always come together. Night and day never coincide. But you and I, whatever they say, is for me the perfect match.

When I dream, I dream of you...maybe one day, dreams will come true.

There is an ocean between us. Forests and mountains keep us apart. I may not be superman, but give me a second and I will fly across countries to send you my love. Have you received it?


If, out of time, I could pick one moment and keep it shining, always new, of all the days that I have lived, I'd pick the moment I met you.


I'm on a mission to get over you, in other words mission impossible.


I wish I'd be a tear in your eye to roll down your cheek and end up with your lips but I never wish you'd be a tear in my eye for I would lose you every time I cry.


When it rains, you don't see the sun, but it's there. Hope we can be like that. We don't always see each other, but we will always be there for one another.


I may run out of message to text you. I may run out of jokes too. I may also run out of battery or even a peso but my heart won't run out of space for you! 


You'll know that you miss someone very much when every time you think of that person, your heart breaks into pieces and just a quick "Hello" from that person can bring the broken pieces back.


Love. All my life I have read about it, dreamt of it, waited for it, cried for it, needed it. Now with you, I have found it.


Sherlock Holmes was an idiot and Robert Watt was a fool. One was a detective, the other invented radar. But neither of them ever discovered you. I'm a genius!
When the time comes I can't smile anymore, don't worry about me, I know what to do. I'll just stare at one corner and think of you. No one else could make me happy like the way you do.

There's a love that only you can give, a smile that only your lips can show, a twinkle that can only be seen in your eyes, and a life of mine that you alone can complete. 


Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life. But I'd rather be your moon, so I can shine on you during your darkest hour when your sun isn't around. 


Ah-- I forgot your name. Can I call you mine? And, in case you forget my name too, call me yours!


If I had the letters "HRT", I can add "EA" to get a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". But I'd rather choose "U" and get "HURT" than have a "HEART" without "U".
You may never see how much I care for you. You may never hear how much I treasure you. You may never feel how much I miss you. Coz only here in my heart can you see them true.

There are 4 steps to happiness: 1. you, 2. me, 3. our hearts, 4. together! 


If kisses were water, I'd give you the ocean. If hugs were leaves, I'd give you a forest. If love were space, I'd give you a galaxy. If friendship were life, I'd give you mine for free.


It's hard to say hello because it might be goodbye. It's hard to say I'm okay because sometimes I'm not. But it's easy to say I miss you coz I know that I really do.


It's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds. But when these two worlds collide and become one, that's what you call you and I.
If you're feeling lonely and you think there is nobody there to love, support, listen or show they care, just save this message and every time you realize it, it will remind you that a part of me is always there with you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I am waiting to hear from a cute guy like you.


They say that as long as there is one person loving you, life isn't a waste. So if you lose hope and thought that life is not worth living, just remember I'm here. 


Do you know that men and women are angels created with only one wing? And they need to embrace each other to be able to fly... Hope you can find your angel whom you can fly with forever.


They told me I could do anything if I put my mind into it. Yet no matter how hard I try in all that I do, I just can't take my mind off you.
My biggest reward is to see you smile, know you are happy, and feel you are loved. I know life is sometimes cruel, but that's why I'm here, to show you that life can be good when somebody cares.

I always think of you, but I always fail to know the reason why. Is there something else I should know about you? But there is one thing that I know is true. That life will always be sad without you.


Hatred infects the mind; love dissolves it. You dissolve my mind. 


Don't say you love me unless you really mean it cause I might do something crazy like believe it.


I'm afraid to close my eyes coz I might think of you. I'm afraid to open them coz I might see you. I'm afraid to move my lips coz I might speak of you. I'm afraid to listen coz I might hear my heart fall for you.
I'm sorry to be smiling every time you're near. I'm sorry my eyes twinkle whenever you're here. I'm sorry that cupid has made his hit. I'm sorry I love you, I can't help it.

Caring for someone is easy but making someone care for you is hard. Now I keep wondering how did you make it so easy for me to care for you. 


Text me when you are sad, text me when you need someone to listen to and you can't find anyone who will. I don't care if I'm your last option, I just don't want you to cry alone.


I don't want to say I miss you, though deep inside I do, coz I'm afraid you might see thru and know how much fear I have of losing someone like you.


If love can be avoided simply by closing our eyes, I wouldn't blink at all for I don't want to let a second pass having fallen out of love with you.
I wish one day you will miss me terribly that no matter how hard you look for me, you won't find me. Why? Because, I want you to miss me the way I'm missing you right now.

If I could be any letter in the alphabet, I'd choose "V" so I can be next to "U"; if you could be any note, I wish you're "RE" so your always beside "ME"! 


Whatever you do, I'll walk with you. Hoping that your every dream would come true. Anytime, anywhere, I'll always be there. Wishing you love and happiness because I care.


The spaces between our fingers were created so that another person's fingers could fill them in. Hope you'll find your dream hand to hold you forever. 


Every part of me wants you, maybe because I was made just for you! 
When you love someone, draw a circle around their name instead of a heart coz hearts can be broken but circles never end.

Nobody tells fish to swim, birds to fly, cows to moo, dogs to bark - they just do. Just like nobody tells me to remember you. I just do!


If you were a wound inside my heart, I'd rather leave it there with all the pain locked inside than leave it without a trace of you.


Whenever you feel blue, I will be there for you. Whenever you are sad, I will stay by your side. Whenever you need someone to love, I will always be there for you to have.


They can recycle paper till it's as good as new, reproduce cans and jars and old bottles too, but they can never recycle another person as wonderful as you. 
I hate when you smile at me because you make me crazy about you. I hate when you talk to me because you make me run out of words. I hate you when I see you because you make me love you more.

What good is beauty without brains, looks without charm, money without happiness, a smile without feelings, a life without you?


To be disturbed by the beep of your phone only means that somehow, somewhere, somebody is thinking of you and at this very moment, that's me. Take care always.


A person you love is an extension of yourself. Without it, you're not complete so better take care of yourself because I don't want to lose a part of me.


I wish my eyes could speak what my heart feels for you, coz my lips can lie on what is true. My eyes couldn't coz even if I close them I could still see you. 
Every time I hear my text tone, I always hope one of them is from you. My cell phone may have limited memory space but my heart has unlimited space for someone like you.

I have you! If you hate me, shoot me with an arrow, but please not on the heart coz that's were you are!


Someone asked what makes people happy. Some said wealth and some said fame. I was thinking about this when my cell phone beeped and received a text from you. Then, I smiled and said: "This makes me happy."


You're like a target that I always try to aim at. How I wish I could aim you at the heart. But every time I fail, I feel so sad. You know why? It's because I always end up missing you.


It was a simple crush, done and over with, then you looked at me.
Love is something special, a treasure I want to find... To others, love is blind but for me, its not true, coz when I fell in love...I saw you.

I'll lend you my shoulder for you to cry on, my ears to listen to, my hand for you to hold, my feet to walk with you, but I can't lend you my heart coz it already belongs to you.


Why do birds fall from the sky every time you walk by? Maybe because like me they want to be near you! 


If I get takot, would you hawak me tight? If I gawa something mali, would you make it right? If I build an apoy, would you bantay the flame? If I sabi I miss u, would you ramdam the same? 


Do you take me to be your lawfully wedded text mate, in sickness or in health, through metering or not, till low bat do us part?
Someone once asked me, "Have you ever fallen in love?" Then I answered, "Of course, once." Then they asked me another question: "Did it hurt?" I thought of you and told them "Yes, very much".

You must be a thief coz you stole my heart. You must be tired coz you're always running through my mind. And maybe I'm a bad shooter coz I keep missing you. 


I asked God for a rose and He gave me a garden. I asked God for a drop of water and He gave me an ocean. I asked God for an angel and He gave me you! 


I have heard from the phone company, the water company, the electric company, but haven't heard from you. Too bad, it's your company I love the most.


If someone would ask me what a beautiful life means, I would lean my head on your shoulder and hold you close to me and answer with a smile: "Like this!" 
If only one star would fall every time I miss you, then all the stars in heaven would be gone. Don't wonder if there are no stars tonight! It's your fault coz you made me miss you a lot.

Life may sometimes be a rough road to walk on where everything seems wrong. But don't give up. Just go on coz when you think you're all alone, look back and you'll find me walking along.


They say as long as at least one person cares for you, life isn't a waste. So when things go terribly wrong, and you feel like giving up, please remember you still got me.


True love is hard to find, special one, one of a kind. I know because it appeared to me on a strange day I met you.


I've been wondering why you're not texting... Multiple Choice: a. busy b. dedma c. tired d. thrifty e. want me to miss you.
While you gave her flowers, you gave me thorns. While all she did was smile, all I did is mourn. While she was so happy, I felt so blue. Because while you loved her, I was loving you.

An angel asked me a reason why I care for you so much. I told her I care for you so much coz there's no reason not to.


First time I saw you, I was scared to touch you. First time I touched you, I was scared to kiss you. First time I kissed you, I was scared to love you. But now that I love you, I'm scared to lose you! 


If love is a disease then I'm very ill. But I would not want medicine and won't take any pill. I would instead suffer this illness and be bedridden with joy of knowing you.


I will walk with you side by side for only one condition: hide your wings every time we walk together because the whole world might know that you're my angel! 
Each of us is an angel with one wing. The only way we could fly is to hold each other and share wings. So if you have trouble flying, I will always share mine with you.

I used to think that the world is so unfair, that it gave me so many reasons to hate it. But now, how can I hate such a wonderful world that gave me you?


Can I say I love you today? If not, can I ask you again tomorrow? And the day after tomorrow? And the day after that? Coz I'll be loving you every single day of my life. 


A day may start or end without a message from me, but believe me it won't start or end without me thinking of you..See! I just did. Take care.


You greeted me hi, I didn't reply. You gave me a sweet smile, I responded with a sigh. You showed me your love, you received a shrug. But when you bid goodbye I began to cry.

Funny SMS

This short funny sms jokes collection was compiled by http://www.humorsphere.com/

After finding the sms joke you want to use, why not visit visit the Send Free SMS page where you can text message the short joke to your friends, or use the tell a friend button at the bottom of the page to email this page to a friend.

SMS Jokes

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

 

sms joke

(21 - 40) Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
 

Funny SMS


What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.

A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...


 

sms quotes

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

My Reality Check bounced.

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
 

Funny sms jokes

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

Electric Chair!


Electric Chair
Four Ghanaians commit an offense. They were given four types of the death penalty options to choose from: Electric chair, Firing squad, Hanging, or HIV INJECTION.
On the fateful day, the 4 Ghanaians went straight to the Executioner to get killed.

The Ewe man chose the electric chair; and boom he was gone!

The Ga man chose the firing squad. A shot was fired, and boom he was gone.

The Fante man was lifted by the Executioner of the stool and boom he was gone!

Asante man walked confidently to the Executioner and selected the HIV INJECTION option. They injected a bottle of the deadly virus into his veins. And off he goes! He walks confidently to his cell and tells his cell mates, pointing at the Executioners:

"Nkwaseafuor, wommo nnim seh meshe condom!" Which literally means those silly people, they don't know that I'm wearing a condom
Grin
[b]There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.

So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.

Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.

"Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"[/b]




One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call.

Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: "I spit in my beer."

When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer, too!"




A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door and looks in.

You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!